I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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