Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
