You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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