I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
