Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
