I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
