Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
