when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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