meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
