Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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