i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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