I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
