I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
