I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
