What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
