I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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