We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
