i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
