it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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