Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
