rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
