if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
