Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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