He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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