how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
