I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
