he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
