A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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