Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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