I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
