If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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