turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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