What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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