It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
