Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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