All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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