a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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