Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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