He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
