Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
