hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
