Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I will be naked everywhere
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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