Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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