so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
