Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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