I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
