I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
