"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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