somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
