They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
