the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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