whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
