how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
